Buffy Bear

I found that I could grat the HTML data from a flickr photo and put it in my Wordpress (parallel, and almost a carbon copy of my Blogmobile) with out the hassles and problems I get with the insert routine that goes with the blog editor.

I'm now testing it here.


Buffy Bear

In Wordpress, the medium size HTML from Flickr is nice and large. Clicking on the image takes the clickee to the Flickr site holding the picture. It's no bigger there, but some pics could have details and remarks, not in the blog.

Some of your blogs are artistically fantastic, and so you girls probably don't get the glictches I get with software - LoL. I find this technique so nice, and fun - anything that doesn't wind me up is fun LoL.

I hope you are all having great weekends.

Anna x

Waxing Lyrical - Again! ouch

‘Ok’, I thought, ‘lets put my wax strips where my mouth is’ – just figuratively of course. I did wonder, whether my big wax strips would be just as good, along the bikini line, as the little ‘ bikini line’ strips. So I put them to the test, and? I was wrong. The top of my thighs looked liked they had been kicked by a navvy – a thick line of bruises. The hair came away ok, but bon’t ask me why pulling hair off created such a mess, ‘cos I don’t know. I had to do some careful undressing for a while, so Jay didn’t spot the evidence – LoL.

We went to Kent for six days to see mum and various relations, and then onto Bristol. My son was having his graduation, his second one. He went through university many years ago, and graduated as an archeological preserver, but couldn’t get an archaeology type job, so he works in a call centre. His current employer paid for a Contact Centre Management degree, and it took three years; one afternoon a week off work,  so that’s an eight hour day, four in the firms time, and four in his own time, plus all the homework etc. Lots of work, but he came away with a 2.1, so we are all pleased with that.

We didn’t go to the post ceremony party, as we all opted to do a bit of a family history hunt. We went to Berkeley, just outside Bristol, to see the house where my great granddad was born, and where he lived, before moving to Kent. We then went to see his mum and dads grave, in the local cemetery there, and it is such a pretty place, I wouldn’t mind being buried there myself – LoL. Not for a while I hope! The family worked at Berkeley Castle some of the time, but also had their own cooperage, brewery and sauces.

I had booked us into a guesthouse, on the outskirts of Bristol for two nights. I’d asked for a room with twin beds, thinking it would be cheaper than the doubles, but unfortunately, all the en suites were the same price. There was a surprise bonus for me though – it enabled me to sleep in my feminine underwear. I usually manage to underdress the last two days of a stay anywhere, but underdressing in bed - a sweet delight.

I’ve bought a brown eyeliner pencil, but I haven’t used it out yet. Every time I go out un-chaperoned, I take my lipstick, and put it on when I get to town. My eyeliner skills are so useless though, so at the moment I’m practising at home. It’s always a bit of a panic situation, as I never believe I’m going to get the stuff off cleanly, before reappearing downstairs en homme – LoL.  It comes off a lot easier now that I’ve got the gen from Stacy, but it’s never a quick fix – or un-fix, LoL.

I’ve just read the instructions in my wax strip box, which tells me that I should cut the strips into small strips, before using them on the bikini line. They never remove 100% of hair, and I use each strip three to five times on the same area, to remove as much as possible. Reading other girls epilatory endeavours, leads me to think that no system is perfect.

Split Personalities and Time Sharing

I've seen it written before, that all though we T-girls talk of our time as Bob, or time as Anna, in my case, as though they were separate entities, in reality, they aren't separate - it's the time spent en femme or en Bob that's separate. It does make it easy though for us to explain what is going on in our lives. And what has been going on in my life? - Flikr - that's what. I only added our holiday snaps onto the Bob account so that family and friends could see what we've been up to, and marvel at our superb photos - or not. In truth, I don't believe I'm a great photographer, but I can take great photos at times. Some of my better photos have attracted attention, and of course, I've discovered 'favourites'. Hopping through peoples favourites opens up a wealth of gorgeous photos, and I've now got several contacts whose photos I enjoy viewing. My contacts are virtually all woman photographers, and some have only recently started doing photography, but they take lovely photos. I now check out my account every day to see if they have added new pics.

The problem is, I have been neglecting your blogs. That's a lie, I'm up to-date with your blogs, but I haven't had time to blog hop around your friends blogs, and their friends blogs and - you get the picture. Worse than that - I haven't written my own blog - so you've noticed eh? I've had a part written one in the word processor for days! and it's not this one - LoL.

So what has Anna been up to? Make-up, again. Late yesterday afternoon I put the mascara on - yes, the bright blue one, and my only one to date. In the low level lighting we use, it passed un-noticed, although it looked blatantly obvious when I put it on. I think people only see what they expect to see sometimes. I put the eye shadow on above my eyes now, just a little, but in view. The eye socket overhang keeps that bit shaded, so that's a help - probably that's a cheat too, but what the heck!

The thing with my time sharing, is that doing girlie things has to be spread out. I put the full eye shadow on, plus a load of mascara the other night, and when I was finished and satisfied, it was into the shower, and off it came. If I'm doing make-up, plucking eyebrows or waxing for example, then I can't also get dressed en femme. I'm not complaining, it's just one of those things. Talking about eyebrows, hairs are now growing from previously harvested areas. What is interesting, is that they highlight how much I have raised the bottom limits - nearly a centimetre. Just as well it's the centimetre under the overhang, and only becomes obvious when I raise my eyebrows in amazement.

I had a lovely Xmas by the way, with a few sad periods where I would have loved to have shouted - Hey kids, I'm really a girl. To be fair, that didn't ruin Xmas as we had lots of fun. I like to use my feminine side as much as possible, but no one seemed to notice when I did. You know the kind of thing, lounging girlie style, saying things with a girly lilt, under dressing, the eye shadow of course - but being en Bob can cover a multitude of delights.

There is possibly another reason no one notices - but I'm not going there - LoL.

Hugs and best wishes to you all, Anna x

A Letter to my Wife

The best advice for couples with problems is to talk to each other. Jay and I were not discussing the important issues we have, and a friend suggested writing her a letter, to get the dialogue going so to speak. I thought this over for a while, and decided to give it a go.

A Letter to my Wife,

Hi Super Girl,

Do you remember when we used to write such lovely letters to each other? Of course you do, - a silly question. This is a love letter too, because I love you to pieces. I’ve always been proud of you, you are so clever, knowledgeable, and to me, very pretty. I tell everyone how much I love you, how good you are at everything, how artistic, how skilful.

I know you hate my feminine side, but is it such a threat now, after living with it or enduring it for 6 ½ years. I know that was an awful shock, and you wanted promises I couldn’t promise, and answers I couldn’t answer.

I suppose you are hoping I’ll get better, but historically, once people like me have this duel gender identity – that is it – we have to cope with it for the rest of our lives. I want and need you for the rest of my life too. I am so pleased that you still want me with you. I so want to share the rest of our lives together. I know, you don’t want to see my feminine side, but I need time for self expression on that side – and is a bit of cross-dressing – 2 hrs out of a whole week – so bad? I like my feminine side, and yes, if it was possible, I’d prefer to be a woman, have a sex change op and all that, but I couldn’t do that with out someone I love supporting me. I want you more than I want all that. You are wonderful, and so lovely, and so supportive, and I couldn’t live without you.
There are lots of people like us, some make it, and some don’t. Most of us couples who are happy to make do with a cross-dressing partner who doesn’t want or need to go the whole route – make it. Each couple has a different take on what each partner will tolerate – what guide lines and parameters are to make them happy, to give them a workable solution. Some partners go out together while one is en femme: some tolerate and even help, but only in the home; and some tolerate it in the home, but refuse to actually see it; it being their partner en femme / cross-dressing.

I like cross-dressing, I feel beautiful, even if I look a complete prat. I like conversing with other people who cross-dress – I don’t feel so unique, so weird, so pathetic anymore. I’m normal, I’m not unusual, I’m not perverted, I’m still a nice person.

I adore you; it hurts me so much to see you unhappy, to see your tears, to hear the silences. I know you find my feminine side hideous, and your technique has to been to blanket and ban any sign of it, but is that really the best way? You said you don’t know what I’m doing, when I’m upstairs and you are downstairs, but you have imaginings. You said that every time I go out, you wonder what I’ll smuggle back in when I get home. The price of knowing could be peace of mind. I don’t always bring something feminine back, but yes, quite often. Mostly new nylons and wax strips. Life is so mundane sometimes. What do I do during the soaps? I put on a bra, stuff it with rice – if I get hungry I could do a curry – (sorry, couldn’t resist that), a blouse from Matalan, a skirt from the hospice shop or Littlewoods, hold-ups from Aldi, shoes from Littlewoods or the cancer shop, trim my nails and watch a video or the One Show on TV. 40 minutes of this three times a week is the best I get, and sometimes I don’t even get that, Sometimes I’m just not in the mood. It would be nice to be able to say :
“Hi Pet, I’m just off to shower and change”, knowing that if the phone rings, I can answer it and take it to you without having to rip everything off..
It would be nice to say:

“Hi Pet, I’m off for some ink cartridges, and I need some waxing strips, so I’ll gee them at the same time.”

It would be nicer too, if while we are doing the weekly shop-up to say;
“I need some nylons today”, and grab a pair as we go past and toss them in the trolley. I know, you don’t want a hint, a sight, a smell, of anything feminine and me coming together. But there could be a trade off her, peace of mind when I’m out and about, and fixed boundaries too in the home.

Lots of people have secrets, and what goes on in the privacy of our homes should be that. Why does it have to be public – it doesn’t. We don’t have to tell the kids – although I’d be happier if they knew. But that’s normal, or so it appears from what I have seen people say on the net; keeping it private from family and everyone else, that is.

Lots of people find support and solace within like minded, similarly affected people. You said that you don’t want help from anyone, especially if helping means trying to make you accept my feminine side. I’ve got the advantage here, because I’ve found lots of people like me, some worse off, some not so, some having to put up with terrible abuse and pressures. I love you for not putting me under such strain. I love for not throwing me out of the house, for not throwing my clothes out of the house, for not putting my life in the skip.

You asked me one day what I was doing at the computer.
“Chatting”
“What about”
“This and that”
“Oh brilliant”, or something similar.

I am scared of saying too much. Every time we chat, I lose a bit of feminine .. things! For instance, when we were chatting about waxing my legs, you said that seeing them like that scared you. Knowing that makes it very hard to do it any more – and I do like my hairless legs. OK, so every now and then I do a little bit – my knees mostly – I refuse to have hairy knees, but I’ve lost something there have I not.

I see lots of people on the net, or at least I see their musings, problems, advice, but unless I stick in with my own 3 ha’porth worth, they don’t know I exist. It doesn’t stop what they write being helpful. Yes, it would be great to say;

“Ann has had a good night out” or;
“Anna has a good idea today”, or;
“Annie’s had a bad day, poor girl”, and talk over their problems, like we discuss Ann’s across the road, or the people with the dog around the corner.

I want to help you, but I can’t help you by not being feminine. I can try and not be obviously girly, a you asked, by trying to be masculinely mannered when I am with you, although for me that means wearing men’s clothes. I feel I’ve always been nice and gentle. You can decide on that.

I love you and adore you so much. I do want you to be happy, but I want to be happy too.

Your Lover
For Evermore XXXX

I have cheated on the terminology. I don't have a duel gender disorder have one gender - I am a girl, it's my body that is wrong. I used this wording as I thought it would be more acceptable to Jay; as talking about my frmininity, as though it was something seperate from me. My femininty is me, it's Anna, I am Anna, we are one. I haven't broached the subject of Anna with Jay, as I feel this will ostracise me even more.

I hope this explains something more of who I am.

May you all have sunshine in your lives - Anna