Boobs and more Boobs with Facebook help.

Being realistic, my feelings towards my own breasts is more wishful thinking than anything else, as it will probably take a year before any sure signs appear. But I like them.

We bought a new desktop computer at the beginning of the year, because the one Jay uses died. It gave out a few warning signs so I backed all the important docs and pics onto an external hard drive. The new machine uses Windows 7 Professional, which I don't like. None of my software works, and it didn't come with an email reader, you have to buy one at £100s. I had just got it all running, when the operating system went bonkers and wouldn't start. With the aid of some info on the net and my tame IBM pal, I got it going. But I had some fun with Facebook.

Facebook, bless their hearts, will only let one account use your mobile phone, so when I added my girlie account to my phone, it dumped Jays, and told her so! "Don't worry" I said, "it's probably a software glitch".

Somewhere along the line, I decided to join Facebook as my male self, not thinking there would be a problem. So their I am, getting Jay's machine Facebook enabled, and the first person it shows Jay as a possible friend is Anna. Jay's not very tolerant where computers are concerned, and she doesn't appreciate the 'help' they try to give her. She doesn't want friends apart from the few relations she plays scrabble with - her reason being, that they develop lots of 'naff' postings on her page that she has no interest in. I told her it was probably a friend of a friend of friend, that the useless software had turned up. Needless to say, when she wasn't looking, I put Anna into the 'block and don't mention her ever again' list.

I guess the software found Anna in my Andy mail list and thought it was a good idea to introduce her to Jay - NOOooo.

The next fun thing was a lovely visit from my lovely daughter. She decided to introduce Jay to a new game - Drawsomething by OMGsoftware - it is lots of fun, just like pictionary but you need an iPhone. Being a lovely girl, I put it in on my phone for her (I think she needs a serious birthday present - LoL) and it has been lots of fun watching the pics go back and forwards between her opponents. She has four, son and daughter and partners. I didn't realise that Drawsomething could be a spectator sport, but it is. The only problem being, it uses Facebook for it's login, and I had the Facebook app for my girlie account - needless to say, I have disabled it for now, and the program has to go to Facebook via Safari or 3G or whatever.

It is fun having a boy Facebook account, as I've connected to all the family across the globe. It's nice seeing all the family pics of birthdays etc. I had just better not let a link show between them and Anna. OMG, you don't suppose they get Anna on their hints page too do you. The answer has got to be yes I guess. I have put my photos out of reach of the public, as I didn't want Jay getting nosey one day, so hopefully, I am still incognito to casual browsers. Sometimes technology can be too clever for our own good.

Hugs, Anna x

A Christmas surprise comes my way

Well, I didn’t get any proper presents of course, but I got the next best thing, a present from my doctor. A few days before Xmas I had to see my GP about prostate shrinking medication that they want to put me on. I asked the doc if they shrink other bits of the body, and so he looked the drug up in his book. I’m on hormones. I've got something I had always hoped for, by accident. Probably not as strong as the ones they give us when we want to transition, but hormones never-the-less.
The GP said ‘discomfort in the breasts with some growth can be experienced.’
‘That’s OK’ I said.
At the chemists, a woman came and saw me, and said I was not to let anyone near these pills who is pregnant, especially if the protective coating has been rubbed off. I didn’t realise these drugs were so powerful. All of which pleased me no end. It will all take several months to happen though, the shrinking – and I hope, the growing. When I first got diagnosed as genderdysphoric, and taking to all things girlie like a duck to water, I tried to enlarge my breasts with exercises and massaging. It did make a bit of difference, but my nipples seemed to be in the wrong place – so I stopped. I guess, they’ll still be in the wrong place, but who knows – LoL.

I didn’t think I would do my usual under-dressing and make-up while the kids were about, but in the end I thought – ‘Why not?’ and did it anyway. I just had to make sure I didn’t leave any underwear about. As you know, my make-up consists of a small amount of eye-shadow, not enough to show, but enough to be known to me. People don’t see past the male body, it seems, and don’t notice girl stuff, as they aren’t expecting it. I’m very tempted to escalate the coverage, but it’s probably sensible to remain low key – LoL.

I wish you all a super 2012. Keep those lovely blogs coming – I get so much fun reading them. Hugs. Anna x

Anna gets a Holiday

I always take some girlie stuff on holidays, and usually under-dress on the journey home. Wearing anything at all on other days isn't possible, as getting things cleaned is out of the question when we are away from home. I use eyeshadow daily, but only subtle shades, and not a lot of it so no one notices. I have my lipstick, which I'd never dare use, but I have it with me, just like a normal girl would, plus some tights of course.

We arrived at our self catering cottage on a Friday evening, and nipped out to Lostwithiel for some food for the next days breakfast, before an evening of games and bed. Saturday we went to Bodmin for a big shop up, and passed a school (I think) with a model railway exhibition going on, so of course I wondered if Angie had been there. We had some nice days out when the weather was good, about one day in three, and lots of beautiful autumn colours about. We chose this time of year because it was the first two weeks of the cheap season. Our little group concisted of Jay, Emm and myself. Emm is Jay's older sister by a few years; she's a bit batty, but is lots of fun, as she likes the same kind of stuff that we do, and she's mad keen on photography. We compare pics using the Wii picture show utility, (it's so brill) each evening. The good news was - Emm likes watching the soaps. Jay, you may remember has gone off the soaps, and so I get very little unhindered time for doing things Anna, but with Emm leading, the soaps were back on.

The bedrooms etc were down stairs, so I headed there, spent a minute or two doing a sedoku, and then stripped and put a towel on, girlie style of course. I put some lipstick on; filed and buffed my nails; plucked my eyebrows back into shape, and got the silky mitt and dehaired my hands and feet and knees. I usually use wax strips for the hands, knees, and feet, but I hadn't thought to bring any. Finally, I removed the make-up and showered. Back up stairs, when Jay asked what I'd been doing, I replied that I'd laid on the bed doing sudokos, and had a shower - perfectly truthful. I got four lovely sessions of pampering myself Anna style, and it felt so good.

The only drawback was - hardly any wi-fi for the phone. The laptop picked it up, but I have no Anna passwords on that. I got all your updates, blogs and Facebook stuff via emails, but no wi-fi meant no replying to anything. Perhaps I shouldn't whinge, as it was a super break.

Hugs Anna x

Buffy Bear

I found that I could grat the HTML data from a flickr photo and put it in my Wordpress (parallel, and almost a carbon copy of my Blogmobile) with out the hassles and problems I get with the insert routine that goes with the blog editor.

I'm now testing it here.


Buffy Bear

In Wordpress, the medium size HTML from Flickr is nice and large. Clicking on the image takes the clickee to the Flickr site holding the picture. It's no bigger there, but some pics could have details and remarks, not in the blog.

Some of your blogs are artistically fantastic, and so you girls probably don't get the glictches I get with software - LoL. I find this technique so nice, and fun - anything that doesn't wind me up is fun LoL.

I hope you are all having great weekends.

Anna x

I hate Passwords

My password stopped working, and it has taken me a week to get it going again. I was so mad with Google.

It kept going around in circles, so I asked it to send me the name of the blog associated with the account - the access name being my email - and a message came back saying it had no information linked to that addrress - Oh Yes??? So how come they kept sending me emails. I eventually found an old email with the info I wanted. At first it looked like the same loop had kicked in, but on the first cycle up popped the reset app.

Now I have a google account email too. Funny old thing, but when I selected the new password - and of course, I entered the one that I previously had - it said 'You can't use a previous password, select a new one'!

So here I am. I thought I was going to be staring at a useless blog (tut tut, naughty thoughts LoL) for two years until it dropped into the dead bucket.

At least you all know I'm still alive and having fun, but not necessarily in Anna mode. Even if I haven't been in here I've been following your lovely blogs on my iPhone. I just adore my phone - it's so nice having Anna in there, and doing Anna things.

One thing that has popped into my head a few times is - how long will it be before I sign an email as Anna when it should be Andy - LoL. I like my girl name so much, so I'm not changing it now - :-)

Have fun, and enjoy your lives,

Hugs Anna x

Soaps put the skids under Anna.

Well, sort of. Jays stopped watching the soaps - my usual time for doing things as Anna, cross-dressing, nails, practicing make-up and stuff. I haven't actually done any cross-dressing for ages, but I'm sure it's not just the rubbish story lines that have got up Jays nose, I reckon she thinks it'll curtail my Anna stuff. She's wasting her time. Well actually not, as we've been going out for walks in the evening, and doing some geocaching. I like doing things with Jay, and I'm still Anna inside, so at the moment it doesn't matter - but watch this space.

I've always got something femme on, and I have femme clothes in various hidey holes - including my male underwear drawer in the bedroom, suitably hidden at the back of course. I've been using my green eye-shadow this last week, and it looks so nice, especially after using the brown for so long.

I was wondering if not been keen on cross-dressing at the moment, is because I would really like to go on a shopping spree for some fresh clothes. As Anna, I so adore shopping, so that means all the time really. I guess I need some unchaperoned time again - LoL.

Have fun, hugs Anna. x

What Valentine's card?

Valentine's day fell during the birthday bash, and I didn't realise that, until we left home. I thought about it, but thought, 'What the heck, Jay probably hasn't remembered either' - wrong - ouch. The boys had got a valentine's card for each other, Jay had got a valentine's card for me. Jay had forgotten to write in it, (she thinks the one she wrote in was left behind by mistake). I suggested I could write in hers and give it back, but they all vetoed that idea - LoL.

Nails. Jay and I have a problem with cracking and crumbling nails, and I saw an advert for 'Hard as Nails', a varnish that strengthens them. I bought some, and applied it. The advert said shake gently and apply one coat, the bottle said shake well, and apply multiple coats. It was made by Sally Hansen. I'd been wearing the varnish for 24 hours before Jay noticed it, even though I'd told her I was going to try it out.

"It looks like nail varnish", she accused me.

I guess I applied the coats too close together, as a lot of it fell off very quickly. I then decided to do my toe tails, and applied just one coat, and this before the holiday. Jay didn't notice a thing. After two weeks, there wasn't a blemish anywhere, so I've given them another coat. You can buy it in clear, as I did, or pink. I broke a thumb nail last week, so I painted the edges of the nail, and it smooths off all those annoying hooky bits that grab at your nylons. I filed the nail first, but filing doesn't usually get rid of all the imperfections, so I'm pretty pleased with the stuff now.

Acceptance - maybe? it's really tough when a partner gets all antagonistic over one's femininity, (or anything else really), and in fact, any confrontation is hard to cope with, and I feel so much for Helen in that respect. But picture this; we are in Lidl's, and we are looking at ski jumper things. They had blue and lilac, but we had missed the intro date, and so there were very few left. In fact, there was only one in my size, and that was blue.

Jay found them, and was looking through them for my size. She picked up quite a few, but they were the girl versions. I went through them as well, and I remarked, "The only other one's left my size are women's".

"If you want them you'll have to buy them yourself, I'm not buying them for you", Jay said.

We walked away with the blue one, (they are so comfy, I forgive them for being Bob stuff), and I'm thinking that that is as close to an acceptance speech that I have ever heard. Mind you, I'm not going to push my luck - just yet, LoL.

Lips and Nails

This has been a fun week, with lots of blog to reads, ad some interesting topics. Tina's 'Honesty Hurts' (Read it here  )  threw up a lot of interesting comments, and all those adorable sights on the right (i.e. my blog list) have had interesting bits going on too. Both Tina and Susan have the skill at seeing the important bits behind your writings, and coming up with stuff I hadn't thought of.  A bit of pressure from Jay this week though - complaints about my lack of leg hair, and that I'm making my nails too girlie. I'm going to show you my hands and nails. OK, I own up to getting them as girlie as possible, but at the moment I'm failing miserably - 'cos' they are nothing like girlie, and the physicality (a nice Strickly Dancing term) of them means they are NEVER going to be girlie. But I can live with that - not that I have any choice, do I , LoL. Lipstick; I have been carrying on with the practising / experimenting of applying the stuff. I have three lipsticks, two are Rimmel ones, and a third unbranded. Number three leaves very little tell-tale signs on my drinking glass, the Rimmel ones are awful, in that they leave big lip shaped marks behind. So it's not just technique, that helps cover your tracks, the darn things vary too. OK - I'm practicing, so I buy the cheapest, but I hadn't realised how much they vary. I guess I'll have to buy better and more expensive ones, and I still haven't got my lip-liner yet - LoL. I'm going to be out of net contact, for a few days, but with my new phone, at least I can read all your blogs as you write them. Interestingly, I can read blogs off the phone without raising Jay's suspicions, (so far, LoL) whereas, when I'm on the computer, she suspects I'm up to no good as standard - LoL. Have fun, Hugs Anna x

More Make-up Moments. (I really should write headlines for the Sun !!)

I mentioned in an earlier post that I was collecting the ‘Make-up Master Class’ pages from ‘You’ magazine in the Mail on Sunday. Before you say, ‘How could you read that awful paper’, and I know, their record on condemning minority groups rather than supporting them, puts the paper in a poor light, but we only get it for the crosswords and ‘You’ supplement – so that’s my excuse. The ‘Make-up master class’ is written by Jemma Kidd, and I hadn’t paid much attention to her as a person, but it appears she really is a well renowned make-up person.

I have probably got 70 or 90 issues of her master class, but in one of her recent lipstick articles, she explained how to put it on – and you thought t was so obvious didn’t you – but not to me. It appears I should have been applying more than one layer, and taking off the excess each time with a tissue. I’ve seen girls on the tele do this, and wondered why they were removing the stuff. It seems that layering builds up a firm and long lasting cover. Not only that, it actually looks better than the single smear I’ve been doing now. It’s brilliant. So thank you Jemma Kidd, you’re my heroine, or better still, a role model – should that be make-up model – LoL.

Do remember the hint I got about brown mascara? Well, I bought some yesterday. Actually, it appears that brown is short-hand for brown/black, or so the lady in Boots make-up area told me. She asked me what brand I wanted, and I said, ‘It doesn’t matter, I’m just practising at the moment’, and neither of us batted an eye-lash. Don’t ask me why I said it, but it’s probably that – I want to be normal in the girlie sense - and also the, ‘Why should I feel ashamed of who or what I am?’ syndrome. I do accuse myself of not ‘putting my money where my mouth’ is kind of thing, so it was nice actually to take a stand on it. There are lots of you, out there doing things in public, and I envy and admire you all, so this was my little bit.

Oh yes, the brown mascara that is really a brown shade of black – I was advised, if you remember, that I could wear it in bob mode, and to use it on the upper outer lashes only. I’m at home, with Jay, and we have my niece-in-law coming for lunch, and ---- I’ve had it on all morning, without a hint of suspicion from my lovely Jay. Another triumph for girlie-hood I think. LoL.

Hugs, Anna x

The Techno-ising of Anna - ish!!

I was going to do some crossdressing this evening, but I've decided to use the time to write a blog.

I've been quite happy with my mobile phone, which I've had 5 years or so. Keeping your old phone normally gets you cheaper tariffs on it's upgrade birthday, but as I mentioned somewhere, I've taken on my sons iPhone, as he has upgraded to the 4 version. Oh my god, how good is it? Awesome, that's what. In my normal lacklustre way with things technical, I am never going to learn everything it does - but who cares - the bits I have discovered are so brilliant.

Stupid or Brave? That is the next question. Somehow I got it to link with my iPhone account, my Geocaching account, and my Yahoo mail account - and all this in Bob mode for my Andy stuff. It was so easy, so after a couple of weeks I added my Anna Yahoo mail account. Yes - that's the stupid or brave bit. Andy at Yahoo only gets sensible mail, all our main mail and joke rubbish goes through the computer with - with - hmm - some program that you click on, and it goes there and down loads the stuff. (Outlook Express - Ed!) For Yahoo, I log on manually and read everything on line at Yahoo HQ. I found all my Flickr update emails were coming to my phone - how cool is that. So that's why I thought it would be cool to add my Anna account - it's fantastic.

I can read all your blogs that get sent to Yahoo, right off the phone. Some, with wider columns are not very user friendly, cos it takes too much cursoring around, but the narrower ones, I can fit in the screen and just pan down as I read. So I get instant updates of all my mail, blogs, Angels and Transliving Internatiional posts, and Facebook bits. The mail updates don't make a noise when they come in, unlike texts, so there are no tell tale give-aways. It's so nice having my proper stuff, (Anna's stuff), on the phone. I'm taking the risk as Jay is even less technically minded than I am, but if the world blows up, it's my fault - LoL.

Do you remember I was experimenting with full-briefs underwear, and I said that I thought they would be too big, and would show above the waist line? I finally tried them out the other month, and worn with belted jeans, or sports-style-trousers with a tea-shirt tucked in, they are no trouble at all, and they are SO comfortable. I can under-dress quite safely with them. The other thing I like about girls underwear, is that they are so flattering; in as much that for reasons of restraint, and  to keep everything tucked in, you need to wear items a couple of sizes smaller than your dress size. I'm a 16 top, 14 bottom, and so a 10 to 12 in panties - roughly speaking, as it's amazing how sizes very from different suppliers.

Waxing Lyrical - Again! ouch

‘Ok’, I thought, ‘lets put my wax strips where my mouth is’ – just figuratively of course. I did wonder, whether my big wax strips would be just as good, along the bikini line, as the little ‘ bikini line’ strips. So I put them to the test, and? I was wrong. The top of my thighs looked liked they had been kicked by a navvy – a thick line of bruises. The hair came away ok, but bon’t ask me why pulling hair off created such a mess, ‘cos I don’t know. I had to do some careful undressing for a while, so Jay didn’t spot the evidence – LoL.

We went to Kent for six days to see mum and various relations, and then onto Bristol. My son was having his graduation, his second one. He went through university many years ago, and graduated as an archeological preserver, but couldn’t get an archaeology type job, so he works in a call centre. His current employer paid for a Contact Centre Management degree, and it took three years; one afternoon a week off work,  so that’s an eight hour day, four in the firms time, and four in his own time, plus all the homework etc. Lots of work, but he came away with a 2.1, so we are all pleased with that.

We didn’t go to the post ceremony party, as we all opted to do a bit of a family history hunt. We went to Berkeley, just outside Bristol, to see the house where my great granddad was born, and where he lived, before moving to Kent. We then went to see his mum and dads grave, in the local cemetery there, and it is such a pretty place, I wouldn’t mind being buried there myself – LoL. Not for a while I hope! The family worked at Berkeley Castle some of the time, but also had their own cooperage, brewery and sauces.

I had booked us into a guesthouse, on the outskirts of Bristol for two nights. I’d asked for a room with twin beds, thinking it would be cheaper than the doubles, but unfortunately, all the en suites were the same price. There was a surprise bonus for me though – it enabled me to sleep in my feminine underwear. I usually manage to underdress the last two days of a stay anywhere, but underdressing in bed - a sweet delight.

I’ve bought a brown eyeliner pencil, but I haven’t used it out yet. Every time I go out un-chaperoned, I take my lipstick, and put it on when I get to town. My eyeliner skills are so useless though, so at the moment I’m practising at home. It’s always a bit of a panic situation, as I never believe I’m going to get the stuff off cleanly, before reappearing downstairs en homme – LoL.  It comes off a lot easier now that I’ve got the gen from Stacy, but it’s never a quick fix – or un-fix, LoL.

I’ve just read the instructions in my wax strip box, which tells me that I should cut the strips into small strips, before using them on the bikini line. They never remove 100% of hair, and I use each strip three to five times on the same area, to remove as much as possible. Reading other girls epilatory endeavours, leads me to think that no system is perfect.

Cisgender, but that's not me.

I came across this new term the other day, and it wasn’t obvious to me, what it was all about. It appears that a cisgender person is someone who is happy with the gender they were born with/ born as. Sadly, I found this after coming across a post on Angels or Transliving International. A girl was talking about a friends partner, who had been the subject of abuse by a transgendered person, who she criticised as being cisphobic.

Abuse in any form, and in any direction is abhorrent to most of us, and from what I have read in other girls blogs, there are lots of support out there from cisgendered persons. At the moment, I can’t get my head round the fact, at all. We get so much help from non transgender/ non gender dysphoric friends,family and partners, that to pick on someone else’s partner is beyond belief.

My son split up from his first serious partner, (I think), and was a bit upset that we didn’t cut our ties with him too. We had built up a bond of our own, and you can’t change your affections just like that. Had we gone off the deep end, it could have looked like we were being homophobic from an outsider, who didn’t know the whole tail. We aren’t homophobic as I’ve said, but that doesn’t mean we’ll like every gay person we meet, (and we haven’t); so perhaps the above subject event was a one off fallout, but as I don’t know what was said by whom, etc. I don’t know that. The tone in which we say things can put a completely different slant on even a simple statement, and no doubt the writer of the post had taken this in to account.

Lets raise our glasses, to all those cisgender, transgender, and any other gender people we know, and be tolerant of, and blessed with, all our differences.

Love and hugs to you all, Anna, xxx

Wigs by Post - or How I had a Cunning Plan

If you need cheering up, I hope this gives you a chuckle, I'm still smiling, 2 weeks later.

Those of you whom are regular readers, will recall from the comments department, that Tina offered to sell me one or two of her wigs. Noeleena sent me details of a good wig site, but as my en femme time is all closet, and very short in the time department, I didn't want to spend a lot, so Tina's offer had my vote.

Tina sent me some pics of the two wigs, and I rather fancied the blond one with dark highlights, (lowlights?), (streaks?). Now, here is the clever bit - no sniggering yet please - because I had a cunning plan!! Jay being about as anti-Anna as you can get, I needed to be sneaky, so I asked Tina to send me the wig, so that it would arrive while we were on holiday in Scotland. I'm always the first into the house when we get home, so I could scoop it up, with the rest of the mail, a yard high behind the door.

This year the camp wi-fi was on zero bar, occasionally going into one. I kept trying the laptop in various locations around the cottage, and in the second week got a few connections, two I had to duck out of quickly when Jay came into the open-plan lounge-kitchen, and once I actually got Tina on that Yahoo chat thing that pops up when you are checking your mail; well, we'd hardly swapped a couple of sentences and the link crashed out.

I needed an internet connection because my lovely sister-in-law (MLSiL), had flown to Prestwick with Ryan Air, (never again she said), and you have to book in by internet. So it's day 3 or 4 of the two week holiday, and I drive to the restaurant, (they have wi-fi there, even though it's closed for modernisation), complete with laptop and MLSiL. We get an instant connect, but hit a problem when it says 'Press the print button to print out your boarding pass'. Nice one Ryan. Just then a couple of workers come out of the restaurant, and had a bit of a chuckle about us using their wi-fi. They pointed us in the direction of the Fort William library, who do internet stuff.

The Library staff were super, and we soon had a log-in, (free), and quickly had the printout, (20p). MLSiL goes off looking for slippers and I check Anna's mail. There is one from Tina,, and she said "The wig is in an anonymous looking jiffy bag. It went through my letterbox at a push, so if it doesn't go through yours, they'll leave a note and you can collect it from the sorting office". I'm mulling this over and I spot an email with Tina's latest blog. I'm just reading this "Just a Tranny at Heart" story when MLSiL is standing behind me saying that she couldn't find any slippers. I hastily log out of it and off we go.

I spend the rest of the holiday mulling over the wig affair; unfortunately, our postie doesn't do tickets; ours does the - leave it next door thing. I thought I needed a contingency plan, like where is the best lawyer, how do I split the car and the new digital TV, could I stay in the house and have the upper floor - no just kidding - but a little spanner was about to hit the works. On day 8 my right ankle swelled up, followed three days later by my left ankle, and they ballooned and made walking almost impossible. The A&E didn't know what was happening, but gave me some Voltarol and told me to keep my legs up.

The rest of the holiday still went OK, Jay doing all the driving, and me on the back seat. On the drive home, I managed a couple of stints driving, and then I had a cunning plan. I delegated unloading the car to Jay, suggesting she piled everything on to the top step at the front door, and I'd heave them in from there. This got me into the house first, where I retrieved the jiffy bag and hid it. Later, with the luggage all indoors, Jay went off to the supermarket for some groceries, and I was up the stairs, quicker than a snail, to try the wigs on - yes, the lovely Tina had sent them both. I look my most feminine yet > pics to follow.

Tina bless her, let me set the price, and asked me to donate the monies to charity, rather than give it to her. Her charity was the breast cancer charity that Astrid is supporting in her moon walk. It's my favourite charity too, so it's kind of apt I think.

So, I have some homework for you girls - please visit Astrids site and if you feel empathy with her, help her on her way to her target. Thank you. No apologies for pushy though - LoL.

Accessory-ising

I've been shopping again, but this time, I'm into accessory-ising ~ at least, I think that's what it is. I've bought a ladies watch, and the neat thing about it is, it has spring loaded half bands, that clamp around your wrist. I can whip it on an off in seconds. I wore it all afternoon and evening the other day, hidden under a long sleeve sweatshirt. But like all wearable contraband, it's so easy to forget you have it on. I started undressing the other night in our bedroom, Jay was doing a crossword in bed, and I had to nonchalantly pull my trousers back up over my panties, and finish changing in my bathroom - LoL. Just as well she had her head in the crossword, and not on me.

We replaced the down stairs bath with a walk-in-shower, which is next to our bedroom; this was for Jay's hip problems, and then we built a dormer bathroom with another walk-in-shower in the roof. This is mine. I adore it. It's my girlie zone - unknown to every one else of course - I feel so feminine on my own in there, and I've secreted some of my girlie bits there too. I know it's a bit risky, but so far, Jay hasn't shown any disposition towards searches, and it's nice to have things handy, and not hidden behind a wall of boxes. It's where I practise my make-up, do waxing and plucking etc. Talking of plucking, I have noticed a tiny problem here, the regrowth is very dark at first, so they show up quite a bit before they get long enough for re-plucking. Yes - I can see some of you thinking already - is she cut out for this girlie stuff? Forever complaining about thick eyeliner, nails always growing, eyebrows always growing - and you can add to that, thin lips. I just can't get them to look right yet with my lippo on. But it's fun practising.

I want some feminine spectacles next, to go with the planned new hairstyle - well, wig. At the moment I'm just thinking of those off the shelf ones at the local chemist, (spectacles, not wigs that is). I realise they are only fit for reading, or in this case, reading and self portraits - LoL. You never know, you may get to see what a sight I am. I do have a pair of glasses that are unisex, which Jay doesn't like of course, but they are single-focal ones, set up to use at computers. I got them on that - buy one, get one free thing. To me, they don't look feminine enough.

Things at home got a bit sticky, and so I've stopped using the net when Jay is around. I was being a bit blatant about it, in fact the blatantness was terrific. Making it obvious that I'm not surfing, seems to have done the trick, except I haven't had time to see what you girls are up to. I'm working on solving that one - LoL.

Hugs to you all, Anna.

Some successes, some set-backs

I need another computer, another contact with the outside world, out of sight from Jay. This one is ok, but I have to put my musings onto a memory stick/key thing and transfer it to my laptop – the Dilly Dell thing. I call it Dilly as in Dilly Daydream, cos the Dell people sell you a machine which is supposed to be all singing and dancing – and everything stops working in one form or another as the months pass, until you buy the upgrades. I refused to be cheated in this way, and got my software else-ware.

That’s not what I wanted to chat about. I just wanted a girlie chat. I noticed that some of my fave blogs are going through a slow period, and that made me aware of my own slowdown too. So I’m chatting.

When I first found the Angels site, I saw Joanna’s post – 10 things every Trannie should know about passing, or some such thing. I’d discovered one or two of them myself.

Waxing: now there’s a problem. I started waxing everything when I realised I was actually a girl, and most of them Jay has banned, but she hasn’t banned waxing the backs of my hands and fingers, or the ‘V’ cleavage of my chest. Waxing the backs of your hands was one of those ’10 things’. If I remember where it was, the list of 10 that is if you are not concentrating, I’ll post a link. The NfY, Niece from Yorkshire, told us a story about one of her workmates. He was so hairy, they nicknamed him Gorilla; it appears his hair went down his arms and right to the ends of his fingers. I had a bit of a smirk, me with thick hair down to my watch line, (when I wear a watch, which is rarely), and then nothing! That’s a bit mean though, calling a guy a gorilla, although gorillas are nice friendly creatures. I had waxed legs all last summer, but eventually the aggro got too much and so I stopped. I’ve bought some hair dye to dye them blonde, so they don’t show up – well, it’s not as if they won’t be there is it – but I’ve chickened out doing it so far.

Plucking the eyebrows – ouch. This is a success. Jay was not impressed when I first did it; the big give away being the pale skin uncovered by the plucking. The good news is – the skin tans up after awhile, and so I continued plucking the darn things without any more hissy fits. Jay trims them with scissors when she cuts my hair – she is very talented, and I love her to bits – so I also trim them myself with an electric razor, which keeps the mass down, while plucking helps the shape.

Nails; they are a blooming nuisance – they never stop growing – oh, you’ve noticed too – and they break off just as I’m getting them into a nice shape. Jay whinges if they get too long for her taste – but mostly she is OK. I think she must gradually get used to them, until suddenly – wham – she suddenly notices I’ve got nice medium length rounded – I don’t care for square – nails. The other thing that attracks unwanted attention is when we both go to grab the same biro or something, and I stab her with a nail – "Your nails are too blooming long again!" quickly follows the ‘ouch’. It’s no wonder that girls use stick on nails, but I have yet to try those. Hmm, that could be this months experiment!!!

Well, that was a nice chat, for me anyway. Bye for now, Anna.

A trip to Kent and Yorkshire

This is a tale of our recent travels to Kent and Yorkshire; a 'visit the relations' trip, (in Bob mode as I'm still in that darn closet, and not even a hint of light around the door), and relax a bit. Seeing that I am retired already on health grounds, you might think my life is just one session of relaxing, and so it is mostly.

You won't want to read about everything we did, but there were a couple of interesting happenings. On our first visit to mum, (she's 93, but her house is like a sauna, and not disable friendly, which is hard on Mrs A, [ Jay ] ); anyway, there we are at the door, I let us in and call, 'Coohee' or some trite thing, and this strange voice calls out. Mums Wednesday girl (WG) is there, who I don't remember meeting before, but obviously I knew of her. WG goes in once a week; takes mum her money; takes her out if mum feels up to it; chats and sorts things out. What a lovely women. Jay is chatting to mum, and WG and I are talking about hairy arms and legs, how girly is that. I was in shorts and I still have hairless patches that have never grown back after my experiments with waxing. (Jay has banned waxing now). I just felt so feminine too, it was delightful. Every waking moment should feel like that. WG is an old school friend of my youngest sister - I might quizz her on WG later - I'm dieing to know if she sussed me out, as no one else has. When I see pictures of myself, in Bob mode, I often wonder why no one else sees the girl in me trying to get out.

We got back to sis-in-law and her No. 2 son was there with his partner, and 2 gorgeous daughters from his first partnership. What his new partner - he met her on the net, - yes reallly!! - sees in him I just don't know - she's very nice. He comes out with some right macho things - (he's an MCP you see) - and when he does I take great delight in siding with the girls. I was a died in the wool feminist even before being gender dysphoric. So .. we had a chinese takeaway, did lots of chatting .. and they left mid evening.

Part two of our trip was to take sis-in-laws daughter back to Yorkshire. Because our house is disable friendly, we had been looking after her while she recovered from her hip op. So there we are, in our bedroom in Kent, and Jay decided that it would be a good idea to repack our cases, so that in Yorkshire we need only take one case out of the car. Problem - my femme underwear in my case, and it's my case she wants to use!. I tried to put her off, but she wanted to do it THEN. I managed to heave everthing out of the case, and repack some clothes with the underwear between them. I went back later after Jay had added her clothing, and moved them to a safer place.

So ... that's my little story. We are back home .. all alone .. and it's a delight .. except for one thing .. I wish I could have joined every one at Sparkle .. not to be this year .. but who knows, next year, or the one after perhaps .. I can but dream. I can't wait to read everyone's blogs - so get typing girls.

I copied this from my diary on Transliving.

Sulks Before Breakfast

Jay put a hot wash on the night before, and as I threw in some towels, I put in a pair of panties too. Jay does that, it is meant to spruce them up a bit. Jay always sleeps in later than me, so I didn’t think it would be a problem – wrong!

It’s 10 past 6am the next morning, no Jay in the bed, so I guess she is in the bathroom – I doze off and awake 15 minutes later – still no Jay. I sit up and look out of the window and Jay has hung my panties on the line and is staring at them in a concentrative pose. Hmm .. I’ll play dumb at see what happens. A sulking moody Jay is what happens, as she comes in and asks me if the underwear is mine.

‘Yes’ I say, as nonchalantly as possible.
‘I don’t want your clothes in with mine – do you understand’?

That’s got to be a result – sulks but no fireworks.

Yahoo 360 Blog and Phones still aren't Us

I started my blog on Yahoo 360, and it is a very nice system, but there are stories abounding that it is going to be shut down. Don't ask me why, I don't care, but I am miffed, because as I just said, I like it there. I've just spent an hour cutting and pasting my Yahoo blog into this, my new one. Now you know why the date on the bottoms of the entries are all the same, and the one's on the top are different.

Things haven't gone too badly since the phone call hiccouugh, except we had a second phone call hiccough. I sent my friend an email saying I'd ring her at a certain time, made available by Jay being out having a hair cut, or she could ring me. I tried to get through and just got rubbishy error messages, so I sent an email saying I couldn't get through, and I'd try another time. When I didn't ring, she checked her emails and found the penultimate one and so she rang me. You can guess what happened, Jay is now home, and we were just going out for a drive, and she answered the phone. Stoney silence from Jay for next few days. We are back to our usual chatty cuddly huggy twosome again now, but I must get a system in place for the phone calls.

Watch this space. Hugs Anna x

Phone Calls are not Us 04 January 2009

I have been chatting to a lovely lady from New Zealand via The Angels Forum, and it's chat room, and today she rang me. We had arranged it by email, and I was hoping that a real person with similar back ground to me, who had made the transition to female would kind of get her round to not thinking she was living a horror story. Wrong! I'm her worst nightmare reincarnated. As I have mentioned somewhere before, I hate these discussions, as I always end up losing a bit more of Anna's time, or Anna's influence, as she has that trump card - 'You are hurting me by doing this - so please stop it', and who can resist the woman you love, suffering in pain and anguish, asking such a simple request?

My sis told me that Jay was scared of losing me, so Jay won't budge a micron on the issue; but I told Sis that not budging is more likely to finish me off than anything else. I have 3 sisters by the way; all of completely different temperaments, but all, both delightful and special, in their own ways. You'll never know which is which though as I always speak of them in the singular, if it's good enough for the big bang, it's good enough for me. Jay complained than sis gives me more support than her, and that our GP gives me more support then her; but when I suggested she got support from one of the organisations around, she said, 'Not flipping likely, they'll only try to make me give in to you!'

So things aren't looking too good. My normal response is to lie low a bit, keep Anna out of sight, and then gently ease her back into life. Jay doesn't know about Anna, as an identity that is, but after this morning she probably does. I say probably, as she was in such a flaming mood, she might have missed that bit.

Jay knitted me a lovely long jumper for Xmas, and it makes a super mini dress. I really do need a wig though, to finish everything off, and then perhaps I'll stick it on Flkr.

Enjoy the New Year, Hugs Anna

Wasn't Xmas fun? 29 December 2008

It was fun, but not as Anna. A houseful of people, wife, sons, and niece-in-law, but no Anna. Well, that's a bit of a lie, as Anna is always here, because she's me, inside me and just dieing to get out. The closest she came to showing her face was when we tried a new game disc on the Wii - boules and beach volley ball. I chose a cute little girl with pigtails, - ok then, not that cute, and Mrs A vetoed that! Only to be expected really, but I nearly got away with it. I found a dark skinned androgynous Mii instead, was which was fine. Anna lost both games, but she's a whizz at ten-pin bowling.

We had to make do with a small amount of time in the hobbies room, where I'd gone to copy some crosswords; we do the general knowledge ones, in a mild competitive way. I put a pair of Anna's shoes on, not much, but something at least. I adore my shoes. Sad though isn't it, where half an hour of almost nothing feels so nice. I'd like the rest of the family to know about Anna, so I wouldn't need all the subterfuge and lieing, but then I'd need a new wife, and I can't give her up, as regular readers will know.

I got caught by the sons when I was on the Angels forum. I hadn't been on it for days, and I just threw caution to the winds and nipped in. Hopefully they will have forgotten about it before inquisitiveness takes hold and they do a google search. I had a horrible sleepless night, stomach in knots, but nothing was said the next morning. With a bit of luck, the status quo will be maintained I suppose. I should moan really, as we had loads of fun, repartee, chat, food, some drink; my lovely sisters text us with well wishes, so all in all, we are well blessed.

If you have any gay friends visit this new on line magazine, it's brilliant.

Polari Magazine

In fact it's interesting even for us straight guys and girls. Start with Clementine - she is hilarious.

Now that I've cheered you all up, I'm off. It's my turn to cook the evening meal, and I fancy fish and chips, and no, it's not the easy option - we like fish and chips!!!

Hugs Anna xx