Soaps put the skids under Anna.

Well, sort of. Jays stopped watching the soaps - my usual time for doing things as Anna, cross-dressing, nails, practicing make-up and stuff. I haven't actually done any cross-dressing for ages, but I'm sure it's not just the rubbish story lines that have got up Jays nose, I reckon she thinks it'll curtail my Anna stuff. She's wasting her time. Well actually not, as we've been going out for walks in the evening, and doing some geocaching. I like doing things with Jay, and I'm still Anna inside, so at the moment it doesn't matter - but watch this space.

I've always got something femme on, and I have femme clothes in various hidey holes - including my male underwear drawer in the bedroom, suitably hidden at the back of course. I've been using my green eye-shadow this last week, and it looks so nice, especially after using the brown for so long.

I was wondering if not been keen on cross-dressing at the moment, is because I would really like to go on a shopping spree for some fresh clothes. As Anna, I so adore shopping, so that means all the time really. I guess I need some unchaperoned time again - LoL.

Have fun, hugs Anna. x

Lips and Nails

This has been a fun week, with lots of blog to reads, ad some interesting topics. Tina's 'Honesty Hurts' (Read it here  )  threw up a lot of interesting comments, and all those adorable sights on the right (i.e. my blog list) have had interesting bits going on too. Both Tina and Susan have the skill at seeing the important bits behind your writings, and coming up with stuff I hadn't thought of.  A bit of pressure from Jay this week though - complaints about my lack of leg hair, and that I'm making my nails too girlie. I'm going to show you my hands and nails. OK, I own up to getting them as girlie as possible, but at the moment I'm failing miserably - 'cos' they are nothing like girlie, and the physicality (a nice Strickly Dancing term) of them means they are NEVER going to be girlie. But I can live with that - not that I have any choice, do I , LoL. Lipstick; I have been carrying on with the practising / experimenting of applying the stuff. I have three lipsticks, two are Rimmel ones, and a third unbranded. Number three leaves very little tell-tale signs on my drinking glass, the Rimmel ones are awful, in that they leave big lip shaped marks behind. So it's not just technique, that helps cover your tracks, the darn things vary too. OK - I'm practicing, so I buy the cheapest, but I hadn't realised how much they vary. I guess I'll have to buy better and more expensive ones, and I still haven't got my lip-liner yet - LoL. I'm going to be out of net contact, for a few days, but with my new phone, at least I can read all your blogs as you write them. Interestingly, I can read blogs off the phone without raising Jay's suspicions, (so far, LoL) whereas, when I'm on the computer, she suspects I'm up to no good as standard - LoL. Have fun, Hugs Anna x

Waxing Lyrical - Again! ouch

‘Ok’, I thought, ‘lets put my wax strips where my mouth is’ – just figuratively of course. I did wonder, whether my big wax strips would be just as good, along the bikini line, as the little ‘ bikini line’ strips. So I put them to the test, and? I was wrong. The top of my thighs looked liked they had been kicked by a navvy – a thick line of bruises. The hair came away ok, but bon’t ask me why pulling hair off created such a mess, ‘cos I don’t know. I had to do some careful undressing for a while, so Jay didn’t spot the evidence – LoL.

We went to Kent for six days to see mum and various relations, and then onto Bristol. My son was having his graduation, his second one. He went through university many years ago, and graduated as an archeological preserver, but couldn’t get an archaeology type job, so he works in a call centre. His current employer paid for a Contact Centre Management degree, and it took three years; one afternoon a week off work,  so that’s an eight hour day, four in the firms time, and four in his own time, plus all the homework etc. Lots of work, but he came away with a 2.1, so we are all pleased with that.

We didn’t go to the post ceremony party, as we all opted to do a bit of a family history hunt. We went to Berkeley, just outside Bristol, to see the house where my great granddad was born, and where he lived, before moving to Kent. We then went to see his mum and dads grave, in the local cemetery there, and it is such a pretty place, I wouldn’t mind being buried there myself – LoL. Not for a while I hope! The family worked at Berkeley Castle some of the time, but also had their own cooperage, brewery and sauces.

I had booked us into a guesthouse, on the outskirts of Bristol for two nights. I’d asked for a room with twin beds, thinking it would be cheaper than the doubles, but unfortunately, all the en suites were the same price. There was a surprise bonus for me though – it enabled me to sleep in my feminine underwear. I usually manage to underdress the last two days of a stay anywhere, but underdressing in bed - a sweet delight.

I’ve bought a brown eyeliner pencil, but I haven’t used it out yet. Every time I go out un-chaperoned, I take my lipstick, and put it on when I get to town. My eyeliner skills are so useless though, so at the moment I’m practising at home. It’s always a bit of a panic situation, as I never believe I’m going to get the stuff off cleanly, before reappearing downstairs en homme – LoL.  It comes off a lot easier now that I’ve got the gen from Stacy, but it’s never a quick fix – or un-fix, LoL.

I’ve just read the instructions in my wax strip box, which tells me that I should cut the strips into small strips, before using them on the bikini line. They never remove 100% of hair, and I use each strip three to five times on the same area, to remove as much as possible. Reading other girls epilatory endeavours, leads me to think that no system is perfect.

A Lady in Waiting

I get lots of fun reading everyone’s blogs – not everyone on the net silly, LoL, just everyone I follow and hop through. I just adore all the differences we have, and the similarities with-in the differences – if you see what I mean. You all give me masses of fun, and more importantly, lots of hope.

Hoping for what – I’m not sure really – but probably that I can cope with the big discrepancy of what I’d like to be; like to have, and what I’ve got. There’s girls on Angels that have even less time and more hassles than me, so I’m not that badly off really.  I’ve been going through a phase where I have hardly had any crossdressing time at all – not to be confused with underdressing and a little make-up, which I do all the time. But then yesterday, I had a very powerful need to crossdress, and do the whole transformation thing – not a good day for it though, so I got rather sulky and down about it all. Today? – everything is OK. Jay is heading for the hairdressers, which she hates, and I’m heading for my clothes cache. I just need to get the timing right – LoL.

So how did it go? Very nicely, but today it was weird, because I was like, androgenised, dressed in gear that both sexes wear, using Bob Togs, but feeling feminine, and looking fairly feminine too I think – (I hope!). I had a photo shoot, as you can see – more on Flickr – and enjoyed the short hour of illicitness – just so nice.

It’s now 4 days later, and Jay has been as grumpy as hell – that silent kind of grumpyness. I guessed she suspected I was going to play while she was out. But no, it’s a long boring story about how and why they got there, but I dropped a pair of bright blue frilly thongs, in the bedroom no less, and jay found them first. It took me a day and a half to realise they were missing, and then work out why Jay was silently grumpy. I am so a muppet. She did at least say that she still loves me. We so adore each other, but have this little mismatch that is Anna.

I read a story written by Girlscot, called Josh and Gail part 2. A conversation between two people, Josh coming out to Gail about being transgendered.

Go to http://www.fictionmania.tv

At the bottom of the page click on the word ‘ENTER’

Then cut and paste  http://www.fictionmania.tv/stories/readtextstory.html?storyID=1286875449548092363

Into the browser address bar, and you’ll be there.

I cried when I read the story, partly in shame – it’s brilliantly written, and shows Gails side, all her fears, and questions, and worries – I can’t believe how crass and insensitive I was to Jays feelings when I told her I was, and wanted to be a woman. In my defence, I was in a bad depression, and I’d gone to my GP to get help, so I probably wasn’t thinking straight – but it’s a poor excuse. How do I atone for that, eight years later?

Introspection and Dolls

I was swapping comments with Tina, and I said "I don't do introspection" - which doesn't mean I haven't done it in the past, or won't do it in the future. I'm more into auditing at the moment - emotional and hard cash. Because I get very little en femme time (but more than some poor girls) I audit my purchases; is this 'something' going to give value for money when I'm only going to use it on a few 30 minute sessions a month? I've got a bit of my lovely dad in me - he was gentle, and very reluctant to spend money - but only a little of him, LoL. I sometimes wonder if the emotional hassles are worth it too - but so far I've always decided that it is. I may not be able to decide otherwise I suppose, seeing what I am - my head saying female, my body showing a male. HHHmmmm this looks like introspection to me - LoL.

We went to Kent to start the process of disposing mum's belongings, now that she is in care. She has gross short term memory loss, and doesn't know where she is most of the time, or what she did some hours ago. Anyway, I brought home some photos and negatives. In among the b&w pics was a photo of myself with a doll and my younger sister. If you have read some of my first posts, you'll remember that I said I used to play with dolls, but stopped when people started making comments about it. I'm quite young here, 4 or so, and I think I played with dolls until I was 6 or 7. Just guessing! But I remember that it was the tone of the comments (you know how nasty older siblings can be sometimes), that put me off playing with dolls. I so adored babies, (and still do), when they came into our lives.

Anyway, I was so pleased finding the photo, because I remember being happy with dolls. It lends credence to my memories too, do you think? I have recently been wondering if I can find a small doll, as an ornament for my computer desk. Dolls keep making an appearance in my life, but they are always someone's else's. Perhaps at 60+ I'm a bit old to be hankering after dolls again - LoL. I like to think that perhaps there was a bit of tgirl in me all those years ago.

Accessory-ising

I've been shopping again, but this time, I'm into accessory-ising ~ at least, I think that's what it is. I've bought a ladies watch, and the neat thing about it is, it has spring loaded half bands, that clamp around your wrist. I can whip it on an off in seconds. I wore it all afternoon and evening the other day, hidden under a long sleeve sweatshirt. But like all wearable contraband, it's so easy to forget you have it on. I started undressing the other night in our bedroom, Jay was doing a crossword in bed, and I had to nonchalantly pull my trousers back up over my panties, and finish changing in my bathroom - LoL. Just as well she had her head in the crossword, and not on me.

We replaced the down stairs bath with a walk-in-shower, which is next to our bedroom; this was for Jay's hip problems, and then we built a dormer bathroom with another walk-in-shower in the roof. This is mine. I adore it. It's my girlie zone - unknown to every one else of course - I feel so feminine on my own in there, and I've secreted some of my girlie bits there too. I know it's a bit risky, but so far, Jay hasn't shown any disposition towards searches, and it's nice to have things handy, and not hidden behind a wall of boxes. It's where I practise my make-up, do waxing and plucking etc. Talking of plucking, I have noticed a tiny problem here, the regrowth is very dark at first, so they show up quite a bit before they get long enough for re-plucking. Yes - I can see some of you thinking already - is she cut out for this girlie stuff? Forever complaining about thick eyeliner, nails always growing, eyebrows always growing - and you can add to that, thin lips. I just can't get them to look right yet with my lippo on. But it's fun practising.

I want some feminine spectacles next, to go with the planned new hairstyle - well, wig. At the moment I'm just thinking of those off the shelf ones at the local chemist, (spectacles, not wigs that is). I realise they are only fit for reading, or in this case, reading and self portraits - LoL. You never know, you may get to see what a sight I am. I do have a pair of glasses that are unisex, which Jay doesn't like of course, but they are single-focal ones, set up to use at computers. I got them on that - buy one, get one free thing. To me, they don't look feminine enough.

Things at home got a bit sticky, and so I've stopped using the net when Jay is around. I was being a bit blatant about it, in fact the blatantness was terrific. Making it obvious that I'm not surfing, seems to have done the trick, except I haven't had time to see what you girls are up to. I'm working on solving that one - LoL.

Hugs to you all, Anna.

Split Personalities and Time Sharing

I've seen it written before, that all though we T-girls talk of our time as Bob, or time as Anna, in my case, as though they were separate entities, in reality, they aren't separate - it's the time spent en femme or en Bob that's separate. It does make it easy though for us to explain what is going on in our lives. And what has been going on in my life? - Flikr - that's what. I only added our holiday snaps onto the Bob account so that family and friends could see what we've been up to, and marvel at our superb photos - or not. In truth, I don't believe I'm a great photographer, but I can take great photos at times. Some of my better photos have attracted attention, and of course, I've discovered 'favourites'. Hopping through peoples favourites opens up a wealth of gorgeous photos, and I've now got several contacts whose photos I enjoy viewing. My contacts are virtually all woman photographers, and some have only recently started doing photography, but they take lovely photos. I now check out my account every day to see if they have added new pics.

The problem is, I have been neglecting your blogs. That's a lie, I'm up to-date with your blogs, but I haven't had time to blog hop around your friends blogs, and their friends blogs and - you get the picture. Worse than that - I haven't written my own blog - so you've noticed eh? I've had a part written one in the word processor for days! and it's not this one - LoL.

So what has Anna been up to? Make-up, again. Late yesterday afternoon I put the mascara on - yes, the bright blue one, and my only one to date. In the low level lighting we use, it passed un-noticed, although it looked blatantly obvious when I put it on. I think people only see what they expect to see sometimes. I put the eye shadow on above my eyes now, just a little, but in view. The eye socket overhang keeps that bit shaded, so that's a help - probably that's a cheat too, but what the heck!

The thing with my time sharing, is that doing girlie things has to be spread out. I put the full eye shadow on, plus a load of mascara the other night, and when I was finished and satisfied, it was into the shower, and off it came. If I'm doing make-up, plucking eyebrows or waxing for example, then I can't also get dressed en femme. I'm not complaining, it's just one of those things. Talking about eyebrows, hairs are now growing from previously harvested areas. What is interesting, is that they highlight how much I have raised the bottom limits - nearly a centimetre. Just as well it's the centimetre under the overhang, and only becomes obvious when I raise my eyebrows in amazement.

I had a lovely Xmas by the way, with a few sad periods where I would have loved to have shouted - Hey kids, I'm really a girl. To be fair, that didn't ruin Xmas as we had lots of fun. I like to use my feminine side as much as possible, but no one seemed to notice when I did. You know the kind of thing, lounging girlie style, saying things with a girly lilt, under dressing, the eye shadow of course - but being en Bob can cover a multitude of delights.

There is possibly another reason no one notices - but I'm not going there - LoL.

Hugs and best wishes to you all, Anna x

Eye shadow, lists and flack

I've been up to no good again. I have bought some eye shadow, and with my droopy eyelids you can't see much of it, and just as well you'll be thinking.
Since our last trip to the relatives in Kent and Essex, Jay has been whinging about the length of my fingernails. I admit they are longer than the average Bob nails, but a girl needs something pretty about their personage. Just to prove that Jay can't have the last word on everything, I wanted to do something covert, and it's just so much fun to experiment. Like the lipstick experiment, I wasn't expecting to have it on very long, but when I tried applying the eye shadow, two things were very obvious; the droopy lids as just mentioned, and the colours I chose - a brown and light brown. I chose them because my son said that for most people, browns are the best colour. At least, thats what I think he said, and as I was in Aldi, unchaperoned - LoL - so I took the opportunity to buy something girlie, and this looked like a good choice.
The darker of the two browns is only a trifle darker than my own skin colour, and tucked in under the eye brows, it doesn't show up. So if it doesn't show up, why am I doing it - because I can. It's nice to practice with something innocuous too, and as I hinted at just now, it's sort of gives me the feeling that I am one up on Jay. I've been out shopping in the village today too, and just to be out and about with something girlie on is sort of emboldening.
I was chatting the other day about eyebrows. On my visit around the relatives, I did a bit of eyebrow research, and I discovered what? That I have married into a family with ugly eyebrows - in fact, mine are the prettiest. Really!
Tina was chatting on her blog about her list of firsts. It was a gorgeously long list and I don't think I could claim more than a couple of them for myself - if I stretch a point or two –LoL. Then I popped into Demi’s blog, and she had a list – but hers was from the other side so to speak – this was a list of things to aim at doing – and I had a few of those. She was actually writing a letter to someone who had left her a comment, ( I think, but check it out yourself), and so she was writing this, hoping the person would come back and read it. It’s a very nice read too. Hmmm, I guess that’s more home work eh?
Jess and I have a problem with labels – me, partly as I don’t always understand what they mean exactly, - and both of us, because people use the labels to isolate and denigrate various other parts of the T community. It seems to me that the Trans community is where the gay community was 20 or more years ago. The gay and lesbian groups have overcome a lot of the abuse and discrimination that used to be showered on them, and hopefully we can do the same. The problem is, those who stand up for us, seem to come in for a lot of stick, and perversely, a lot of it seems to come from within the T groups. This is a shame, as it's bad enough coping with transphobics etc. with out dealing with a lot of flack from t-girls. Some of the flack comes from within the LBGT ubergroup, and you would have thought, seeing how much the LBGs in it have had to put up with, they would be more sympathetic. My immediate lesbian and gay friends, who don't know I'm trans incidentally, don't appear to be transphobic, but some of the high profile LBGs are certainly overcritical of individual t-girls. I've got a lot of help from Angels and Transliving, but you can't rely on 100% support even from the girls there either, if you stick your head up over the parapet. There is a lot of criticism on hand every where it seems. I guess the flack only comes from a minority of people, but the are certainly vociferous.
Hugs Anna
Demi's bit http://demilautrec.blogspot.com/2009/09/buried-messages-from-mouths-of-babes.html
Jess's bits which will explain my last ramblings http://jessicas-ramblings.blogspot.com/2009/10/little-boxes.html